Post by jim on Mar 9, 2012 21:05:04 GMT -6
So... I have been thinking about retiring or something.
it’s been stated several times that I’m not active on the forum, and that's certainly true. I don't feel very committed to the game (SW or RPG format in general). I'm kind of exploring that in here.
Paul invited me because I asked, upon learning he role played.
It was something I had not been exposed to. Knowing a little about it but having no experience. I thought I may enjoy it. Maybe gain a little geek cred and understand some more jokes I was missing.
Game 1. I was advanced to a leadership role while I was still trying to learn the game. Felt a little silly making decision concerning others. And lead to poor decisions I’m sure. I don't know if GM had to pull back to save the party. The story line at the time was well developed and had a history I was only dimly aware.
The following several games I had trouble separating player interaction with character interaction. Projecting myself into Kahn, and maybe feeling defensive on his behalf. This really soured the experience for me and tends to continue from time to time. My thoughts about quitting began about here.
Recapping the times from then until recently. I think I grew as a player a bit. I had multiple bad examples from players no longer around. Their dice throwing meltdowns and tantrums remain without me needing to explain them, I didn't have to search the character sheet for stats I should have known naively. Still I withstood ribbing and aside comments about needing dice, arriving late, or recalling events/characters from past games. I've always had a very thin skin about teasing and it wasn't appreciated to be sure. Still I wasn't about to rage-quit over it.
I was granted the opportunity to GM a game. That had a net positive effect. I understood the game better from that perspective and was able to tailor situations that would be enjoyable to all the players. The game was indeed enjoyable, with a balance struck between role play, objective management, and combat. I'd really like to do it again if I could get past the GM'ers block if there is such a thing. Really I want to GM again but cannot solidify a plan right now. When I have a structure or ambition, ill suggest it again. Perhaps my future involvement if any will be based on this area. Who knows.
More recently it was expressed that the higher level players may have plateaued. Other players were having a hard time with their character build choices. Others had newer characters which were coming into their powers and skills they were built for. I saw this as perhaps a good time to evaluate where we are, and what we want from SW. I Hope its healthy to bring it up.
For my part. I could care a little bit less. I still don't really identify myself as an RPG'er. I find the 6-8-10 hour gaming session a little tedious. Especially when they are most weekends the night-into-morning before I have to be at work. That said they are not exactly boring or all that un-enjoyabe. Just inconvenient. I realize this is due to balancing schedules of everyone. with the flying season coming up. i wont make the 4:30 start time. and considering 1am is the typical end time. I find the choice to attend them less likely. but don't want to disappoint anyone either. I could see myself as a semi-monthly attendee if SW continues. or a game starts that i have any passion about.
So there it is.. my thoughts spilled out.